Wow, so I won collegiate nats...I thought I had a good shot in my own mind- though nobody else might have known about me..what a great position to be in...- there is so much more to be learned from it all that way....
I am in a very contemplative mood since the race so I am going to share a little of that- something I normally dont do...Ill write a true race report tomorrow for anyone interested in that...
I have been thinking on the value of triathlon and how this experience translates into life...I think there are many correlates, but the thing I want to share is thoughts on fear and doubt...I used to have a lot of fear of failure and self doubt in college, especially earlier on and especially in big races, this would be difficult to control and keep at bay so I could race well...that has subsided over the years but now it is gone from me now- which may sound like a small thing but it really isnt. And I think this has to do with my faith. I have always had a weak faith and major doubts not only in myself but also in the existence of a God that really loves us (how could this be with all the horror and suffering in the world?, I was always not fully sure)- but I have just been blessed with this deep faith in the past 6 months or so that I never know existed for people. Even through certain recent personal tragedies I am walking through now- I have been freed in a certain way...I think this triathlon championship is just a small representation of where I am at in my personal journey of faith right now...I have everything I need now and it is a permanent sustainer...I also have loving friends, parents, family, husband- I am so blessed now and I see that now when I didnt really see it earlier. I have nothing to lose now because I already have everything I need and those things cannot be taken from me...this has really made me free...no more fear or failure or self doubt- those things seem so far away now...
And all of this is not about winning triathlons of course...
I am just hoping that whatever successes I have can somehow be used to positively impact other people- even if it is just encouragement, something small or whatever- I just dont know how to use this in a positive way yet- I am hoping that will become more clear, I have never been great at this and have always been much more selfish with time and energy than I might have hoped for myself but I just pray that this experience can be used for what it was intended, to benefit somebody in some way despite my own human tendencies towards pure self-involvement....
Triathlons showcase such a great display of humanity...I am proud to be involved in this sport...
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